Hello friend, YooRi here with a new life post. I know this is pretty unrelated to my general theme but I just had to get this out there. I’m letting this out because
1. It would clear things up
2. It would make me feel lighter, thus making it easier to move on.
wow, such deep.
Anyway. Before I go on to my story time, allow me to just get it straight that this is not for a pity-party, or for attention and site traffic. I’m not crying for anyone to feel bad for me or anything, I just need to let things straight out.
Aight, so, let me give you a little bit of background on my industry life.
I was in the entertainment industry for a couple of years, ending my career just last year. And in those years, I entered 2 different entertainment labels. Both are fairly big.
Let’s call the first company that I entered, “A”.
“A” was doing pretty well when I first entered. I was at the end of middle school when I started. Everything was nice and it felt like a normal performance school. Also, my schedule was flexible still. Just until they started going downhill. They were losing people and they were losing money. With money for clients not being stable, I already got nervous. My chance for achieving my dream was thinned down. With a company losing people, it would just mean that us present ones have to fill in the empty spot even if we don’t know how to properly work on it. With a company going downhill, the possibilities are endless and scary. I remember how I was looking forward to the months to come only because I knew that my contract didn’t have much time left. And when the end did come, I took my chance and left for good.
It wasn’t long until I went for the second conpany, which we shall name as “B”.
“B” was an unexpected call for me. I didn’t think I’d actually be there. I was excited and really happy at first. Much more excited and delighted as compared to when I was at “A”. I knew I had a good chance of excelling as long as I’m in the hands of “B”. Like what happened in “A”, everything was good, until you discover and realize the darker area.
As for “B”, my schedule was stricter and less flexible even as a newbie. Start early, end late, eat few but still exercise a lot.
People who you are with are nice outside the classrooms, but are really competitive once you’re in performing grounds. It was more of a learn-and-improve-by-yourself kind of thing.
Staff were more closed to themselves and only a few felt genuine.
Also, gender and racial bias was obvious. Males were given more attention and focus, while females don’t get as much recognition. I remember an instance wherein I was scheduled for an interview with one of Korea’s biggest news portal, but the staff cancelled me down once I got to the company, only to replace me with a male. I was there, watching a younger boy nervously answer an interview that would’ve been a big boost for my career. And yes, that interview has been aired already. And I was sad about it for some time, but I’m over it now.
International kids also were expected to do twice as much while most of the time being looked down on.
Being the eldest in the girl’s area (the rest were at around 1997-2000+), I had to put up a good image if I want to be placed out in the spotlight. As much as I wanted to speak out and defend some kids, I was scared to because my actions would later be used against me. All I should be doing is performing well, because I was the eldest anyway. (I don’t see the clear connection of age to performance level but that’s what they said.) Should a dirty act be caught by any of us, deals would be made.
The most I could do to cheer up verbally abused kids was to buy them snacks once we were out of the building. Once out of the building, that’s the only time we can soften up to each other.
All those hours that I used, plus the patience and effort that “B” gave to me, I thought I was already really close to achieving my goal. It all shattered when I was called into the meeting room one day, only to hear that my age is past beyond the limit that they set for girls.
I’ve never felt so confused and heavy til that moment. For a short while, I didn’t mind it and continued on with living in the entertainment life even if I knew I won’t end up anywhere. Do it for the sake of having time for doing what you love, I thought. It was unavoidable though that I feel down because of how reality hits. My vibe was obviously off too, apparently, as mentioned by people. 밤마다 엄마가 전화와서 막 “유리야 괜찮아? 유리야 잘지내? 유리야 밥 먹었어?” Hearing how concerned and scared my mum is just made me get to my decision to leave the company. Nothing was going to happen anyway. The longer I stay, the slimmer my chances are because of age limits. So once I was allowed to leave, I was like aight. 됐어. 가자.
It was from then on that I went back to studying, which I will talk about soon enough.
So yeah, the entertainment industry isn’t the nicest nor is is it the most stable area. There is bias, abuse, cheating, blackmailing, early death and there is no assurance in anything. I see my company-mates in TV as they just recently got exposed, but they’re still crying over the past and present, possibly even the future, because being in that light is not easy. A part of me is jealous that my past company-mates achieved what I once wanted, but I also thought like 저는 정말 뭔가 새로운 (not really 새로운 but kinda-) 게 하고 싶었어. 저는 그래서 “아 좋아. 홧팅” So with that, I am happy that I moved on to studying instead.
Studying isn’t the easiest as well, we all know that. But it introduced me to a brighter vibe and friendlier people. I got the time that I once barely had, and I got to explore not just one patch of land. Studying has been alright with me recently, and I even got honours last semester woohoo! But with a price and standards so high, and a messed up education system, I though it would be good to apply abroad. So I did. And I’m moving soon. It’s like hitting two birds with one stone. I get to travel and have an easier time in education. Putting focus on travel and education gets me to save myself and forget the bitter feelings from my past, so that’s good too. And with me being in another country, I would just get myself occupied with new things rather than heavy feelings. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for what my company-mates achieved and I am so proud of them. I watch them everytime and I send in congratulatory messages because I really am so happy for them. The bitter feelings that I had has nothing to do with them 🙂
So yeah, that’s my story and my reason for my decision of soon leaving Korea. 🙂 Thanks for reading!